...the finale of my introduction that is lol.
Before I get going, once again I'd like to thank those of you who have left a message or decided to tag along for the ride! I have not written much, but when I have, it has felt good. All of the positive feedback reinforces for me that this was a good idea. It is my wish and desire to not only obtain some emotional peace through writing, but to hopefully inspire/help others by sharing what we've experienced.
My radiography program began Sept'06 and was to end April'09. It was a 3 yr FT program. Half of it would be spent in class, the other in clinical placement at one of the affiliated hospitals.
What a difference in schooling compared to the previous upgrading courses and Pre-Health program I'd taken! It was HARD. As a child, I'd always struggled in school, (largely due to the bullying I endured I believe), so to help make sure I would succeed I sought help within the school's disability office. I have always found that I take longer to process information then others. In the end I do 'get it' and do fine, but it takes a bit longer for me. I also have a very hard time formulating my thoughts into words which can make speaking and especially writing difficult. I have had people tell me my writing is great, and my papers have faired well in grading; but what was likely a 2 hour paper for most, was a 2 week+ endeavour for me.
Anyways, with the school informed and help available I pressed on. Some courses were difficult and I had to do some rewrites which made for some short nails and migraines, but the second time around I always killed it!
In January'08 we were released to the hospitals! I was so excited! I was very fortunate (so I thought) to have gotten placed in my town's hospital. The drive to the school had been hard. I live in a rural part of Ontario, and in the middle of snowbelt country. There were many winter days/nights that I got caught in between road closures, whiteouts etc.
The work was a bit scary at first, but it was AWESOME! I found it a definite adjustment, but had informed my clinical co-ordinator of my issues learning, and my involvement with the disability office at school. I also informed her of the one physical limitation I had which was the inability to glove myself for a sterilized procedure. (not a biggie as I don't believe most can properly glove/dress themselves).
I'm going to slow myself down right here because as much as I want to yell out every horrible thing I experienced there, I have initiated legal action against the school/hospital and don't want to ruin things for myself.
Things started out ok. I had some issues with certain exams, but my co-ordinator had some good ideas to help with them and I got better. She gave the techs I worked with a 'heads up' about me which at first I thought would be helpful, but quickly learned otherwise. I was now 'red-flagged' and the techs were scared to work with me (stepped in alot). Those who weren't scared, used my short comings to cover their own errors. Their issues with me were soon seen in my assessments and so the co-ordinator started to doubt me. When the first round was done I didn't fully agree with all that had been reported, but being new and inexperienced, I was determined to try harder and work on identified areas.
The next semester was not better. Although I was quite enjoying the work, my peers were making it miserable for me and it was affecting my depression (which in turn was affecting my ability to take in and retain info) I told her this and she had somethings to say which basically ended in a 'hint' my position was in jeopardy. This freaked me out! I was being treated unfairly compared to the other 2 students there and she wasn't going to do anything! I contacted the program co-ordinator and asked for suggestions or a new placement. He came up and visited for a day. All he did was suggest keeping notes of how exams were going in case they got over looked come assessment time. No one stayed and observed how I was treated, or talked to anyone else in other departments who I had worked with. I was on my own.
I worked my a$$ off trying to please these people. Patients loved me, a doctor left the image department manager a letter of recognition about me, and our radiologist was happy. None of it mattered. My assessments continued to be handed in with negative comments and some comments even started to be about my arm/hand (I have a congenital defect which limits some motions in this arm/hand, but HAD NOT in anyway compromised my ability to do the job safely/put any patients at risk. Everyday I would come in feeling determined and left feeling scared and alone. I saw my doctor thinking maybe something 'was' wrong with me. My depression meds were adjusted, and tests ran, but of course I WAS fine. My doc said my issues were a result of all the stress I was going through at work...(great!)
September'08 marked the start of our 6/7 semester. I worked so incredibly hard on what they wanted me to. I had finally been given the go ahead to start conducting exams on my own. When the techs saw my images were fine without them, they eased off. My co-ordinator didn't and kept hounding them for input on me. I really felt like she 'wanted' me to fail. Despite my improvements in all areas (ER, OR, and ICU), she did exactly that...
December 10, 2008 - Three days til the end of the semester. Once we returned after holidays, we only had 10 more weeks at the hospital before we returned to the school to review and write the finals. I was pulled aside by my co-ordinator and was informed I would not be advancing with my classmates. In September I had (stupidly) signed a goal sheet that included a part stating if I didn't complete all 13 physical exams, I would not be allowed an extension again. Well, I needed 3...a skull, ribs, & a barium enema. The ribs I had found challenging and the other 2 we did not get often, so I didn't get enough time in to perform them competently on my own. I pleaded with her to please allow an extension, that I had fulfilled my requirements when allowed one before. Nope, it was over.
I can't describe the emotions I went through (and continue to go through now). My eyes well up and my gut wrenches when I think about it. This had been a 5 yr endeavour, the new start & security for my family.
I immediately went to my school co-ordinator. Despite all the communication I'd had with him, he said his hands were tied and that I should reapply to the program and pick up at the 6th semester again. I wanted them to fight her decision, but did as he suggested. When that failed I arranged an appeal hearing at the school. It failed.
My life had emotionally fallen into ruins (and still is). After I got kicked out by her, I drank WAY more then I should have over the holidays. I have gotten along with my ex, (even after all the stuff that he's done - my heart is stupider then my head), and found my self in his arms again. A new year started and as fast as I had discovered I would not be a graduate, I discovered I was going to be a mom again. Number 4 (Autumn) was due in Sept.
That pretty much brings us up to now. After the first appeal didn't go well, I decided to take a break from the fight as I was expecting, and my mental state was on a very thin line. I spent this past summer researching different options, resources of help. As I mentioned, I WILL be fighting this in court. Unfortunately I am back at square one now (on OW & SAHM), so I will be on my own in the court room. I'm scared to death of facing them again, but I have to try. I plan on going back to school and finishing regardless, but what they did to me was wrong and it needs to be rectified so I can move on.
I'm sorry for the length. Ironically, I have left out ALOT. I know I keep saying it, but I really love the work. Despite the negativity I received from the 'school' end of it, every day I went in I thanked God to be there doing something I really liked. It was THAT job...the one everyone hopes to get one day. That job where no matter what bad day comes along, you still love it and can't wait to get back.
There were so many wonderful moments that I shared with patients and I KNOW that they will carry with them always. My personal favourite moment was after a patient had had a barium enema. It is one of the most horrible exams one can endure, not so much for pain, but for humiliation. When I was young, I ended up in the hospital with the red measles. It was horrible, and the worse part...every time I coughed, I ...um....pooped. I remember how awful I felt for the nurse, and I also remember how kind they had been. I never wanted someone to feel bad for being sick. I must've did it because one patient came up to me after and gave me a great big hug and tear-filled thank you. They had been terrified for 2 weeks prior worried about it and I had made them feel comfortable.
There were many more moments like this that happened during my short stay there. I helped patients, and they helped me. It was and is my calling. I miss it terribly and can't wait to get back at it.
Now, back to our regularily scheduled program ;o)
Anyways, with the school informed and help available I pressed on. Some courses were difficult and I had to do some rewrites which made for some short nails and migraines, but the second time around I always killed it!
In January'08 we were released to the hospitals! I was so excited! I was very fortunate (so I thought) to have gotten placed in my town's hospital. The drive to the school had been hard. I live in a rural part of Ontario, and in the middle of snowbelt country. There were many winter days/nights that I got caught in between road closures, whiteouts etc.
The work was a bit scary at first, but it was AWESOME! I found it a definite adjustment, but had informed my clinical co-ordinator of my issues learning, and my involvement with the disability office at school. I also informed her of the one physical limitation I had which was the inability to glove myself for a sterilized procedure. (not a biggie as I don't believe most can properly glove/dress themselves).
I'm going to slow myself down right here because as much as I want to yell out every horrible thing I experienced there, I have initiated legal action against the school/hospital and don't want to ruin things for myself.
Things started out ok. I had some issues with certain exams, but my co-ordinator had some good ideas to help with them and I got better. She gave the techs I worked with a 'heads up' about me which at first I thought would be helpful, but quickly learned otherwise. I was now 'red-flagged' and the techs were scared to work with me (stepped in alot). Those who weren't scared, used my short comings to cover their own errors. Their issues with me were soon seen in my assessments and so the co-ordinator started to doubt me. When the first round was done I didn't fully agree with all that had been reported, but being new and inexperienced, I was determined to try harder and work on identified areas.
The next semester was not better. Although I was quite enjoying the work, my peers were making it miserable for me and it was affecting my depression (which in turn was affecting my ability to take in and retain info) I told her this and she had somethings to say which basically ended in a 'hint' my position was in jeopardy. This freaked me out! I was being treated unfairly compared to the other 2 students there and she wasn't going to do anything! I contacted the program co-ordinator and asked for suggestions or a new placement. He came up and visited for a day. All he did was suggest keeping notes of how exams were going in case they got over looked come assessment time. No one stayed and observed how I was treated, or talked to anyone else in other departments who I had worked with. I was on my own.
I worked my a$$ off trying to please these people. Patients loved me, a doctor left the image department manager a letter of recognition about me, and our radiologist was happy. None of it mattered. My assessments continued to be handed in with negative comments and some comments even started to be about my arm/hand (I have a congenital defect which limits some motions in this arm/hand, but HAD NOT in anyway compromised my ability to do the job safely/put any patients at risk. Everyday I would come in feeling determined and left feeling scared and alone. I saw my doctor thinking maybe something 'was' wrong with me. My depression meds were adjusted, and tests ran, but of course I WAS fine. My doc said my issues were a result of all the stress I was going through at work...(great!)
September'08 marked the start of our 6/7 semester. I worked so incredibly hard on what they wanted me to. I had finally been given the go ahead to start conducting exams on my own. When the techs saw my images were fine without them, they eased off. My co-ordinator didn't and kept hounding them for input on me. I really felt like she 'wanted' me to fail. Despite my improvements in all areas (ER, OR, and ICU), she did exactly that...
December 10, 2008 - Three days til the end of the semester. Once we returned after holidays, we only had 10 more weeks at the hospital before we returned to the school to review and write the finals. I was pulled aside by my co-ordinator and was informed I would not be advancing with my classmates. In September I had (stupidly) signed a goal sheet that included a part stating if I didn't complete all 13 physical exams, I would not be allowed an extension again. Well, I needed 3...a skull, ribs, & a barium enema. The ribs I had found challenging and the other 2 we did not get often, so I didn't get enough time in to perform them competently on my own. I pleaded with her to please allow an extension, that I had fulfilled my requirements when allowed one before. Nope, it was over.
I can't describe the emotions I went through (and continue to go through now). My eyes well up and my gut wrenches when I think about it. This had been a 5 yr endeavour, the new start & security for my family.
I immediately went to my school co-ordinator. Despite all the communication I'd had with him, he said his hands were tied and that I should reapply to the program and pick up at the 6th semester again. I wanted them to fight her decision, but did as he suggested. When that failed I arranged an appeal hearing at the school. It failed.
My life had emotionally fallen into ruins (and still is). After I got kicked out by her, I drank WAY more then I should have over the holidays. I have gotten along with my ex, (even after all the stuff that he's done - my heart is stupider then my head), and found my self in his arms again. A new year started and as fast as I had discovered I would not be a graduate, I discovered I was going to be a mom again. Number 4 (Autumn) was due in Sept.
That pretty much brings us up to now. After the first appeal didn't go well, I decided to take a break from the fight as I was expecting, and my mental state was on a very thin line. I spent this past summer researching different options, resources of help. As I mentioned, I WILL be fighting this in court. Unfortunately I am back at square one now (on OW & SAHM), so I will be on my own in the court room. I'm scared to death of facing them again, but I have to try. I plan on going back to school and finishing regardless, but what they did to me was wrong and it needs to be rectified so I can move on.
I'm sorry for the length. Ironically, I have left out ALOT. I know I keep saying it, but I really love the work. Despite the negativity I received from the 'school' end of it, every day I went in I thanked God to be there doing something I really liked. It was THAT job...the one everyone hopes to get one day. That job where no matter what bad day comes along, you still love it and can't wait to get back.
There were so many wonderful moments that I shared with patients and I KNOW that they will carry with them always. My personal favourite moment was after a patient had had a barium enema. It is one of the most horrible exams one can endure, not so much for pain, but for humiliation. When I was young, I ended up in the hospital with the red measles. It was horrible, and the worse part...every time I coughed, I ...um....pooped. I remember how awful I felt for the nurse, and I also remember how kind they had been. I never wanted someone to feel bad for being sick. I must've did it because one patient came up to me after and gave me a great big hug and tear-filled thank you. They had been terrified for 2 weeks prior worried about it and I had made them feel comfortable.
There were many more moments like this that happened during my short stay there. I helped patients, and they helped me. It was and is my calling. I miss it terribly and can't wait to get back at it.
Now, back to our regularily scheduled program ;o)
