Stories Of A Single Mum

People of Vancouver Getting 'Snowed'

2010-02-09T20:15:00.003-05:00

I just had to share my frustration and empathy for the folks of

Vancouver who (realize it or not), are getting snowed by the

city and it's plan for the snow shortage crisis.

Vancouver has had the good fortune of a fairly mild winter

this season. Well, being on the other side of the weather

coin 'I' say the good fortune...

The lack of snow posed a potential problem for our hosts of

this year's Olympics, specifically skiing events.

The folks at Whistler who's hills are still in good condition

apparently offered the use of their hills to event organizers.

So will the skiers be flying down Whistlers hills?...........NO!

The hills are unaccessible to those coming to watch the

events, so Whistler's offer was declined.

So now what would the next logical plan be??!! Hmmm...

Apparrently it is to spend a crap load of money to have

it shipped in from 3 hours away to toss on a hill that

people can park their butt on for a cpl days!!!

I'm sorry, but that is such a BIG waste of tax payers

money! Why spend so much on an event?? People will not continue to swarm Vancouver's hills in years to come because of their stupidity ..oops I mean effort.

...It's not like they would've had to call the event off;... just for one or two there would be no public allowed. People WILL sit in an auditorium to watch an event if it's big enough geez! I think an auditorium is cheaper to rent too then snow shipping? Just a guess.

Maybe the city should make those that just 'have' to park their butts up there to see it, pay for the chauffering of the snow!

No? I didn't think so.

Sorry residents of Vancouver/British Columbia....I tried.

The Devil Made Me Do It

2010-01-10T22:17:00.000-05:00

   Well, my blog has temporarily become my soap box. I have to get this off my chest because I'm going to EXPLODE if I don't blow off some 'lava'.

   Summer, (even though still a ways off), is coming up fast....for my mom in-law. She is planning on taking a cruise with some of her friends/family this summer, and with the new year having started, she's gone in to 'full speed ahead' with the planning.

   Now PLEASE don't get me wrong. I love this woman as if she were my own mother. We have a really good relationship and I appreciate the sacrifices she's made for us.
We've all been alot though, and as a result have had to miss out on things. It is on this thought that the devil has perched and sings into my ear.

   I dove right into school almost immediately after the seperation. I believe in the whole of things, keeping busy was better, but it made for some neglection of the kids (fun stuff) which after such a big 'change' was hard. I shouldn't have, but I promised the kids that once I graduated, we would go on vacation to California. It would be a reward for all of us for being so patient and working hard. Well, of course my unexpected dismissal totally screwed that plan up (for now).

   Money once again is tight, so when MIL said she is still planning on going, I can't help but feel upset and jealous, I admit it. She is constantly on me about saving money and being more frugile. The kids don't need such a big Christmas, down size the birthday parties, no to bigger purchases...
I didn't mind, I agreed with her. It's good to have that 'voice' in your ear when temptation strikes. I'm still sort of waiting for that same voice though to go off in her ear.

   Why is it we (the kids and I) have to wait until things get better? I will continue to try of course, but what it takes alot of time to start over. I want to enjoy time with my kids, not just work for their enjoyment.

   When I revisit the past and all she has done for us, I feel ashamed at myself for thinking like this. She has stepped up where her son did not; she moved away from friends and conveniences, worked a horrible job with a horrible shift (4 am - 12 noon), taken care of her 3 (now 4) grandkids, and all with not so great health. She grew up poor, had her husband leave her, started over only to end up in our mess...She has lived her life without living. If she wants to go travel, then she should.

   I'm sure I'll be upset many more times before (and after), but as long as I have this 'soap box', I'll have something to cover that pesky devil on my shoulder.

   Bon Voyage Barb; you've earned it.

Twittering Amongst The Stars

2010-01-04T00:06:00.001-05:00

   Welcome to my first blog of 2010! I hope it showers you all with health, happiness, and prosperity!

   The way we communicate with each other over the internet is constantly changing and evolving. It seems like there is always some new way of getting connected with people. First it was the use of messengers (for example Yahoo or MSN), and then personalized pages such as My Space or Facebook. The hottest #TT right now though seems to be .......that's right! Twitter.
An ever increasing amount of people are deciding to join in on the fun, and surprisingly a large number of them are celebrities.

   I have to say that I am surprised by the number of actors, sports figures, writers etc that are on Twitter. I mean why not, it is afterall an effective means to reach a large number of fans with up to the minute info about album releases, new and upcoming films etc.
There seem to be alot though who do not use the service as merely a plug for themselves; they actually share what is going on in their lives at the moment, and/or what's on their mind.

   I know that there are those who are skeptical of celebrities on Twitter.They are just accounts that have been set up to fool people. Well, that is a fair arguement, but I will continue on with my blog based on my own personal belief that they are who they say. Afterall, ANYONE can lie and pretend to be someone they're not, it's does not just pertain to those with 'celebrity status'.
Innocent til proven guilty I say (for anyone).

   I find it wonderful that many of them have decided to share themselves with us 'normal' folk. They have made me laugh, cry, think, and they have inspired. Some are even kind enough to respond if written to.
   Some of my personal favourites include @StephenFry, @WayneBrady, @omarepps, @WillyVille, @oliviawilde, @JimCarrey, @1capplegate, @TheEllenShow, @MARLONWAYANS (or any of the Wayans fam, they are all awesome!),and @Kelsey_Grammer (just to name a few!) I am on and off of the computer throughout the day, and no matter how I'm feeling (good or bad), after catching up on Twitter, I always feel better.
Somedays I'm whisked off to another part of the world by Stephen Fry, or others sitting down at the family table of the Wayans busting a gut laughing! I can't count the number of days that the inspiring quotes posted by Omar Epps, Wilmer Valderrama, and again the Wayans have REALLY helped lift my spirits.

   I would really like to thank those celebs who have decided to open up. I believe it takes alot of courage and belief in self to do so, as the profession can be very harsh when personal info is exposed.
I think that a very large number of us could either care-less about the majority of crap that the media throw at us, or even bother to believe it. Most 'stories' are obtained through invasion of privacy and/or reworded & 'photoshopped'.
Having these people (celebs) share what and how much of themselves they desire to is good enough for me, and should be acceptable to their fans.

I believe for most of it is.

   Gee, if people continue to turn to Twitter for their fill of 'HollyWood gossip', then where will that leave the poor paparazzi?

   ...hopefully at the line of a local unemployment office.

Finally The Finale!

2009-12-28T22:28:00.001-05:00

...the finale of my introduction that is lol.

Before I get going, once again I'd like to thank those of you who have left a message or decided to tag along for the ride! I have not written much, but when I have, it has felt good. All of the positive feedback reinforces for me that this was a good idea. It is my wish and desire to not only obtain some emotional peace through writing, but to hopefully inspire/help others by sharing what we've experienced.

My radiography program began Sept'06 and was to end April'09. It was a 3 yr FT program. Half of it would be spent in class, the other in clinical placement at one of the affiliated hospitals.

   What a difference in schooling compared to the previous upgrading courses and Pre-Health program I'd taken! It was HARD. As a child, I'd always struggled in school, (largely due to the bullying I endured I believe), so to help make sure I would succeed I sought help within the school's disability office. I have always found that I take longer to process information then others. In the end I do 'get it' and do fine, but it takes a bit longer for me. I also have a very hard time formulating my thoughts into words which can make speaking and especially writing difficult. I have had people tell me my writing is great, and my papers have faired well in grading; but what was likely a 2 hour paper for most, was a 2 week+ endeavour for me.

   Anyways, with the school informed and help available I pressed on. Some courses were difficult and I had to do some rewrites which made for some short nails and migraines, but the second time around I always killed it!

   In January'08 we were released to the hospitals! I was so excited! I was very fortunate (so I thought) to have gotten placed in my town's hospital. The drive to the school had been hard. I live in a rural part of Ontario, and in the middle of snowbelt country. There were many winter days/nights that I got caught in between road closures, whiteouts etc.

   The work was a bit scary at first, but it was AWESOME! I found it a definite adjustment, but had informed my clinical co-ordinator of my issues learning, and my involvement with the disability office at school. I also informed her of the one physical limitation I had which was the inability to glove myself for a sterilized procedure. (not a biggie as I don't believe most can properly glove/dress themselves).

   I'm going to slow myself down right here because as much as I want to yell out every horrible thing I experienced there, I have initiated legal action against the school/hospital and don't want to ruin things for myself.

   Things started out ok. I had some issues with certain exams, but my co-ordinator had some good ideas to help with them and I got better. She gave the techs I worked with a 'heads up' about me which at first I thought would be helpful, but quickly learned otherwise. I was now 'red-flagged' and the techs were scared to work with me (stepped in alot). Those who weren't scared, used my short comings to cover their own errors. Their issues with me were soon seen in my assessments and so the co-ordinator started to doubt me. When the first round was done I didn't fully agree with all that had been reported, but being new and inexperienced, I was determined to try harder and work on identified areas.

   The next semester was not better. Although I was quite enjoying the work, my peers were making it miserable for me and it was affecting my depression (which in turn was affecting my ability to take in and retain info) I told her this and she had somethings to say which basically ended in a 'hint' my position was in jeopardy. This freaked me out! I was being treated unfairly compared to the other 2 students there and she wasn't going to do anything! I contacted the program co-ordinator and asked for suggestions or a new placement. He came up and visited for a day. All he did was suggest keeping notes of how exams were going in case they got over looked come assessment time. No one stayed and observed how I was treated, or talked to anyone else in other departments who I had worked with. I was on my own.

   I worked my a$$ off trying to please these people. Patients loved me, a doctor left the image department manager a letter of recognition about me, and our radiologist was happy. None of it mattered. My assessments continued to be handed in with negative comments and some comments even started to be about my arm/hand (I have a congenital defect which limits some motions in this arm/hand, but HAD NOT in anyway compromised my ability to do the job safely/put any patients at risk. Everyday I would come in feeling determined and left feeling scared and alone. I saw my doctor thinking maybe something 'was' wrong with me. My depression meds were adjusted, and tests ran, but of course I WAS fine. My doc said my issues were a result of all the stress I was going through at work...(great!)

   September'08 marked the start of our 6/7 semester. I worked so incredibly hard on what they wanted me to. I had finally been given the go ahead to start conducting exams on my own. When the techs saw my images were fine without them, they eased off. My co-ordinator didn't and kept hounding them for input on me. I really felt like she 'wanted' me to fail. Despite my improvements in all areas (ER, OR, and ICU), she did exactly that...

   December 10, 2008 - Three days til the end of the semester. Once we returned after holidays, we only had 10 more weeks at the hospital before we returned to the school to review and write the finals. I was pulled aside by my co-ordinator and was informed I would not be advancing with my classmates. In September I had (stupidly) signed a goal sheet that included a part stating if I didn't complete all 13 physical exams, I would not be allowed an extension again. Well, I needed 3...a skull, ribs, & a barium enema. The ribs I had found challenging and the other 2 we did not get often, so I didn't get enough time in to perform them competently on my own. I pleaded with her to please allow an extension, that I had fulfilled my requirements when allowed one before. Nope, it was over.

   I can't describe the emotions I went through (and continue to go through now). My eyes well up and my gut wrenches when I think about it. This had been a 5 yr endeavour, the new start & security for my family.
I immediately went to my school co-ordinator. Despite all the communication I'd had with him, he said his hands were tied and that I should reapply to the program and pick up at the 6th semester again. I wanted them to fight her decision, but did as he suggested. When that failed I arranged an appeal hearing at the school. It failed.

   My life had emotionally fallen into ruins (and still is). After I got kicked out by her, I drank WAY more then I should have over the holidays. I have gotten along with my ex, (even after all the stuff that he's done - my heart is stupider then my head), and found my self in his arms again. A new year started and as fast as I had discovered I would not be a graduate, I discovered I was going to be a mom again. Number 4 (Autumn) was due in Sept.

   That pretty much brings us up to now. After the first appeal didn't go well, I decided to take a break from the fight as I was expecting, and my mental state was on a very thin line. I spent this past summer researching different options, resources of help. As I mentioned, I WILL be fighting this in court. Unfortunately I am back at square one now (on OW & SAHM), so I will be on my own in the court room. I'm scared to death of facing them again, but I have to try. I plan on going back to school and finishing regardless, but what they did to me was wrong and it needs to be rectified so I can move on.

   I'm sorry for the length. Ironically, I have left out ALOT. I know I keep saying it, but I really love the work. Despite the negativity I received from the 'school' end of it, every day I went in I thanked God to be there doing something I really liked. It was THAT job...the one everyone hopes to get one day. That job where no matter what bad day comes along, you still love it and can't wait to get back.
There were so many wonderful moments that I shared with patients and I KNOW that they will carry with them always. My personal favourite moment was after a patient had had a barium enema. It is one of the most horrible exams one can endure, not so much for pain, but for humiliation. When I was young, I ended up in the hospital with the red measles. It was horrible, and the worse part...every time I coughed, I ...um....pooped. I remember how awful I felt for the nurse, and I also remember how kind they had been. I never wanted someone to feel bad for being sick. I must've did it because one patient came up to me after and gave me a great big hug and tear-filled thank you. They had been terrified for 2 weeks prior worried about it and I had made them feel comfortable.
There were many more moments like this that happened during my short stay there. I helped patients, and they helped me. It was and is my calling. I miss it terribly and can't wait to get back at it.

   Now, back to our regularily scheduled program ;o)

"To be continued"....continued.

2009-12-17T23:31:00.002-05:00

   Before I go on I just want to thank those of you who have visited, commented, and/or followed my blog. I find writing difficult, so to get such a positive response is very reassuring!
   Without further ado, on to part 2!

   We spent the next two months in a women's shelter. They took very good care of us, but it was very hard at times for me with 3 young children trying to care for them plus worrying about the needs of the other moms/kids in there. We managed though and I got alot accomplished during our short stay. The custody/support arrangement was made, Craig got enrolled in school, and I got us onto the city's housing list and OW (welfare).

   The shelter was only temporary. We needed a 4 bedroom and since there are not many available in town, we moved into transitional housing (a home until we found a home). It was nice and we settled in (Oct'03). It was so wonderful to have the basic necessities again! (and without the constant fear of losing them) I tell ya, I will appreciate the essentials such as light, heat, and communication so much more now!
   Shortly after, my mom-in-law (yes, HIS mother) moved in with us. For some time before I left, his mom had pleaded with me to move. She acknowledged his irresponsibilty and proposed to come up from Toronto to help me with the kids, and allow me to go to school. She has been such a wonderful help, I am truly fortunate and blessed (odd thing to be able to say coming from a broken marriage lol)

   The first thing I did after she came was pursue finishing high school. After I met hubbie, I had dropped out. I can't entirely blame him, I really hated it. None the less it was a dumb thing to do. I was only 3 credits away from a HS diploma! Within the year I obtained my GED.
   The next step was to pick up some 'upgrading' credits so I could apply to college. My teacher and I worked out a career plan for me and what I had to do to get there. I had decided I wanted to get a job in radiography. It meant alot to me as alot of my childhood involved being in and out of hospitals and dealing with x-rays. The pathway was laid...
   During 2004 I worked my a$$ off and earned a college credit in adv math, anatomy, and chemistry. These extra credits helped get me into a Pre-Health program. I became a FT student in Fall 2005 and graduated the program April 2006. I was so excited! I NEVER thought I'd be college material! My MIL (as now) helped out so much so I could do it The next step was the most terrifying, my application for the MRT (Medical Radiation Technology) program.
   There were over 1500 applicants for the Fall 2006 start, and only 53 selected. I was one of those 53!! I could not believe it! Out of so much hurt and misery, things were finally getting better! The program was 3 yrs, graduation expected April 2009.

   I thought I could wrap this up in 2 posts, but nope.....sorry!
   Once again, to be continued...

Welcome To My World In A "Blog-shell"

2009-12-09T15:24:00.001-05:00

Well, I have finally done it! Welcome to my first blog. Since this is the first one, I figured I should share a little bit more about my family and I seeing that the profile info section can be a little vague for those who have no idea who any of us are and why am I posting the content that I am.

Wow, where to start!?

The month of December seems to have appeared in many of my family's 'tales', so in the true spirit of the season, let's start with a departure to Christmas' past...

December of '94 - I met my husband to be at a rather pathetic old age of 19. He was my 1st boyfriend and (to this day still sadly), I found myself completely and utterly in love with him. I gave up on high school to spend time with him, and January of '96, we welcomed Craig Jr. We made our family unit 'official' not too long after, and got married in October '97.

Our family grew with the editions of Gillian (January '01), and Emma (March '03)

December of '03 - marked the end of our family unit as we knew it. Let it be noted that in the months preceding it I literally watched my marriage go from wonderful and thriving to heartwrenching and flatlining.

I will never forget this year. I was 7 months pregnant with Emma and it was 2 weeks until Christmas. He had been spending alot of time with friends (one in particular) and had been neglecting us. I was trying to talk to him about it, to find out what was going on. Well, he dropped a bomb I was NOT expecting. He told me he didn't have feelings for me anymore. I died inside that night. I am truly thankful Emma made it to term because I was throwing up for the rest of the night.

January (our son's birthday actually), he said he wanted to seperate. I was 'allowed' to stay in the home however because of Emma's pending arrival. Life was surreal. We became completely neglected. He let the bills go one by one and any much needed repairs on the house...first the gas, then the phone and cable. I remember a cold winter keeping warm by means of the oven and a small heater. We all slept in the living room because the electricity didn't work upstairs. It was quite fun carrying huge pots of warm water upstairs 8/9 months pregnant just to bath Craig and Gillian. I loved when we were rescued by grampie for a couple of days. I would just stand in the shower for an hour appreciating hot water! His work cheques seemed to disappear, so we lived off of the child tax benefit & the foodbank. Despite it all, I stayed. I wanted so bad for it to just be a spell...a faze he was going through.

Emma was born in March and nothing got better of course. Daddy disappeared for days at a time and was 'rumoured' to be in a new relationship. The summer passed and I could not fathom another winter as the last.

On August 5, 2003 I packed up what I could carry of mine and the kids and had my husband drive us into town. He dropped us off in Sobey's parking lot and I called a cab to take us to where we would call home for the next several weeks. As it pulled up I asked if he was sure and all he said was "Sorry". In a matter of minutes, he was gone and we were being taken to the local women's shelter...

To be continued...